Stuck in the Middle
by Ren201
Summary: Vaughn leaves Syd after Lauren and Sark are captured. What happens when he comes back and finds her with someone else? R&R!


Title: Stuck in the middle  
  
Author: Ren201  
  
Spoilers: Not sure yet, but at least up to 'The Telling' (end of season 2). I'll tell you if anything else from the show has happened as we go along. You can probably figure it out anyway!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Alias! I only own the people you don't recognise, if there are any! I don't own any of the songs either.  
  
Author's note: Read and review, because I have no idea where I'm going with this! Song words are in the //. Some words might have been changed to fit the story, if you have heard it, you probably won't notice anyway, but you probably haven't heard this song if you're not British.  
  
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A/N: I know I have other fics to update, but I have writer's block for them, so I'm trying to work that out. The song is called 'Stuck in the middle' by Clea. Trust me when I say, it's a good song. I might use it more in other chapters, so for now, it's just at the end of the chapter.  
  
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As everyone filed out of the morning briefing, I sat dumbfounded by what I had heard. Vaughn. I hadn't heard that name in almost 12 months, after he had left me again. He had left me 12 months ago, after Lauren and Sark were taken into custody, and he requested a long-term undercover position and nobody denied him that right. Everyone was willing to accept that Vaughn had been through too much to stay in LA, there were too many memories for him here. Everyone understood that and wished him luck in his new life. Everyone had accepted that he wanted to move on and start again. Everyone had accepted this, everyone; except me.  
  
I felt the betrayal I felt when he brought me back from Hong Kong and told me he was married. Only this time, the pain was worse, this time he had the choice of staying and decided not to. His decision stung and brought tears to my eyes whenever I thought about it. His decision broke my heart and ripped my soul apart over and over again. I couldn't understand why he would want to leave me after all we had been through, and after everything that had kept us apart had been destroyed. He told me he loved me, and he knew I loved him. He left me and I still remember that day as if it was yesterday.  
  
~#~  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Sydney and Vaughn had captured Sark by chance on a mission. He then made a deal with the CIA, and informed them of Lauren's involvement, causing her arrest, and imprisonment. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off of Sydney's shoulders. She finally felt free again, as if she could do anything, but little did she know that things were about it change drastically.  
  
~#~#~#~  
  
"Hey! Vaughn!" Sydney called as Vaughn jogged towards his car, not replying to Sydney's call.  
  
"Have you been avoiding me or something. I called you last night." Sydney said as she caught up with Vaughn, who was in the process of opening his car door. Without looking at her, he replied,  
  
"No, of course, not just have ... stuff to sort out, that's all." He said as he started to get into his car, hoping that the conversation would end at that, but it didn't.  
  
"Yes you are, you're doing it now ... has something happened? Was it Lauren?" Sydney quickly asked, as she began feeling more concerned. She waited for a few more minutes for his reply, before continuing.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong. Vaughn ... please, I'm here for you, I always have been." Sydney cautiously said, as she moved to touch Vaughn's shoulder in order to get his attention.  
  
Vaughn slowly turned towards her before replying,  
  
"What do you want from me Sydney?" Vaughn quietly asked, as Sydney stood confused by his question.  
  
"I thought that maybe, ... I don't know ... we could talk or go out somewhere or something." Sydney said, giving Vaughn a small smile.  
  
"I can't. Look, Syd ... this is hard to say to you, so I wrote it down. It's easier that way, I can't think clearly around you, I never could. Things are ... difficult right now and I need time. This wasn't how I planned on telling you, but I left the note on your desk. Please try to understand." Vaughn said sadly as he shut the car door and drove out of the parking lot.  
  
That was the last time she saw him. She gave him her heart, and he gave her a letter. It didn't seem fair. Once he had gone Sydney jogged through the JTF to her desk and found the letter Vaughn had left her, and looked around the room before she sat down and began to read.  
  
'To my dearest Sydney,  
  
This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but you need to understand that this is something I need to do. When I'm around you, I cause you too much pain. I can't be responsible for any pain you feel; it hurts too much to know what I have put you through already. Trust me when I say that you are better off without me.  
  
I want you to know that I will always love you and I want you to move on with your life. Don't wait for me, I won't come back. Don't blame anyone else for this, blame me. I want you to be safe and happy, and I know that this is the only way this can happen. We both need to start again. I want you to have the life you always wanted. Don't look for me, I don't want to be found.  
  
My love always and forever  
  
Your Vaughn.'  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
I felt tears on my eyelashes as I thought about what had happened. I was so torn up that I never thought I would survive, I had only just managed to cope when I came back 18 months ago. I carried the pain and rejection around with me for a long time, I still carry it with me now, and I know that it is something that I wouldn't be able to get over. However, I was pulled out of my thoughts, when a hand landed gently on my shoulder.  
  
"Hey babe. You ready to go?" Jim Lennox asked me, noticing that something was wrong, but not wanting to pry.  
  
Thankfully, he wasn't in the briefing so; he didn't know what was happening yet. He would know soon, and he would probably be part of the extraction team. I know I will have to tell him, but not tonight. Tonight I was going to enjoy my last night of normalcy, because it would probably be the last one in a long time.  
  
"Yeah." I replied solemnly, "Where to tonight then?"  
  
"I was thinking that we could check out that new bar round the corner from my place." Jim replied as he pulled me to my feet, securely wrapping his arm around my waist, while leading me out into the JTF.  
  
"Yeah, that sounds good." I said as I looked over at Weiss, who had also been in the briefing, knowing that he understood, after all, he had read the later as well, and persuaded me to move on. He had even set me up on a blind date with Jim when he first moved back to LA. But that didn't stop me from feeling guilty about letting Vaughn go. I looked for him, of course, but it was only when Dixon told me that Vaughn had requested a long-term undercover assignment, *away* from me, that I realised, he didn't want me anymore, I wasn't good enough for him.  
  
I sighed as I walked out of the JTF, I had what I always wanted, a life as normal as I could possibly get. I had new life that wasn't filled with pain and anguish. I had Jim now. But I couldn't help but wonder, if I had everything I wanted, then why do I feel like I'm missing something? Why is it that whenever someone mentions Vaughn, my heart skips a beat, and I am flooded with a rush of memories of him that take over my system? Why is it that no matter how hard I try, he never leaves my mind?  
  
~*~*~  
  
// You treat me right  
  
But so does he  
  
That's the dilemma  
  
In this game of three //  
  
// One has passion  
  
And one has love  
  
And all I know is  
  
Don't want to give them up //  
  
// The rain of guilt  
  
Now it's pouring down on me  
  
It's flooding in  
  
And I can barely breathe //  
  
// I can't go  
  
But I can stay  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And it's a crazy place //  
  
// And now I'm that girl  
  
I used to talk about  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And I can't get out //  
  
// I hear two voices  
  
Asking are you true?  
  
I'm seeing double  
  
When I kiss you //  
  
// Want to know what's crazy  
  
Bout all of this?  
  
It might be twisted  
  
But I kind of like it //  
  
// The rain of guilt  
  
Now it's pouring down on me  
  
It's flooding in  
  
And I can barely breathe //  
  
// I can't go  
  
But I can stay  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And it's a crazy place //  
  
// And now I'm that girl  
  
I used to talk about  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And I can't get out //  
  
// I'm stuck in the middle of love  
  
And I'm trying to find my way  
  
I'm not seeing clearly  
  
What's in my heart //  
  
// Now there's a part of me  
  
That says I can't keep holding on  
  
And there's a part of me  
  
That says just have it all //  
  
// I can't go  
  
But I can stay  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And it's a crazy place //  
  
// And now I'm that girl  
  
I used to talk about  
  
I'm stuck in the middle  
  
And I can't get out //  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: What do you think, suggestions welcome! So review and I'll update soon, but if you don't then I'll just leave it there. =) 


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